


Three French Hens

by ripavengers



Series: Tweleve Days of Christmas [3]
Category: Marvel
Genre: Christmas, Cute, Fluffy, M/M, Magic, Three French hens, Tweleve days of Christmas, day three, magician
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 16:40:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16998693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ripavengers/pseuds/ripavengers
Summary: The two partners in crime, or superheroing so to say, agreed to be security detail for a pop up  petting zoo. Why? Peter needed the money and Johnny liked animals.Unfortunately three hens escaped and now your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man and the Human Torch are spending their Saturday afternoon chasing hens downtown. It doesn’t help that the hens are genetically engineered and are ten feet tall, destroying New York in their wake.





	Three French Hens

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a short fluffy one shot for Christmas. I’m posting one every day for the tweleve days of Christmas which will be the 13th to the 24th of December because that’s when I feel like doing it. Different ships and characters will be used in each. 
> 
> Spideytorch deserves all the love. Fair warning they’re both kinda horny in this. 
> 
> Leave kudos and comments if you want and follow my twitter ripavenegrs if you think I’m cool.

“I can’t believe you roped me into doing this,” Peter exclaims, swinging from building to building with Johnny flying beside him. 

“Me? This was all your idea.”

Peter came to a halt on a nearby rooftop, Johnny stopping shortly after him. 

“This was not my idea.”

“Was too.”

“Was not.”

The two bickered for twenty minutes like this. 

“You know what, it doesn’t matter.” Peter was tired of fighting. 

“You’re just saying that because it was your idea.” Johnny was not. 

“Sometimes I don’t know why I’m in love with you,” Peter says while rolling up his mask past his lips and walking over to Johnny who had long since deflamed. 

“It’s my charming good looks and dazzling personality mostly,” Johnny smirks before closing the gap between their lips. 

The two partners in crime, or superheroing so to say, agreed to be security detail for a pop up petting zoo. Why? Peter needed the money and Johnny liked animals so really it was both their idea. 

Unfortunately three hens escaped and now your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man and the Human Torch are spending their Saturday afternoon chasing hens downtown. It doesn’t help that the hens are genetically engineered and are ten feet tall, destroying New York in their wake. 

The hens were normal hens when the heroes arrived at the petting zoo, but with a little bit of bippity boppity boo they grew in size, turned purple, and made a run for it. This is why a petting zoo would need security, something Peter and Johnny were obviously not good at, too busy getting busy in the corner to catch a mysterious man take out a magic wand and transform hens into monsters. 

“Johnny,” Peter says while pulling away from the kiss. Johnny moans, and not in a good way. 

“As much as I would like to continue this, making out is what got us into this mess in the first place. So maybe catch the hens first, make out second.”

Johnny sighs, “I hate when you make sense.”

The two continue on their way of swinging and flying through the New York City skyline.

It’s winter time in New York and the temperatures are dropping, it’s getting darker earlier, it’s beginning to snow, and the streets are getting busier. 

“Hey Petey, we should have sex on top of the Statue of Liberty,” Johnny says out of the blue. Now it was Peter’s turn to sigh but he wasn’t opposed to the idea. 

“What am I going to do with you Johnny.”

“I already told you what I want to do, and I’ll let you do it to me,” Johnny says cheekily. 

“I always do it to you,” Peter smirks back. 

Johnny frowns. 

“Remember we used to meet there all the time, before you even knew my secret identity,” Peter says, changing the topic.

“I still can’t believe everyone knew before me.”

“You’re just oblivious, we didn’t even like each other at first. You were always fighting Spider-Man and Peter Parker.”

“I should’ve known it was you just by how annoying you were.”

“I’m glad we got over that though. We became friends and then I told you my name. The Fantastic Four took me in as one of their own.”

Up ahead they could see the three hens, wreaking havoc in the middle of rush hour. 

“How do you suppose we take them down?” 

“We don’t want to hurt them, they’re innocent in all of this,” Johnny says while flying closer to the hens to take a closer look. 

The hens squawk and try a get away from Johnny. 

“Johnny I think they have a weakness to fire. Maybe the spell will wear off if they’re exposed to enough fire. You’ll have to smoke them out. I’ll keep them steady.”

Peter goes low and starts webbing the hens’ legs to keep them from running off while Johnny goes high and starts to spray fire from his hands. The hens begin to shrink down to normal size. 

“Spidey I think we did it,” Johnny says after the last of the hens is no longer ten feet tall and purple. 

“Let’s get these hens back to their owner and catch ourselves a magician.”

There’s an empty cardboard box on the side of street that Peter picks up to put the hens in and carry back to the petting zoo. 

Upon arrival it seems the magician is holding all of the petting zoo guests hostage. 

Peter puts down the box of hens and approaches the magician, Johnny following closely behind. 

“Let these people go,” Peter orders, using his superhero voice. 

The magician begins to laugh, “Why would I do that?”

“Because they’re innocent.”

“They’re not innocent. Everyone is guilty of something. These people support the entrapment of animals,” the magician shouts, pointing crazily at all of the guests who are kneeling on the ground with their hands locked behind their heads. 

“And what about you? You endangered the lives of those hens and the millions of people in the city.”

The magician shook his head, “Collateral damage.”

“Seems a little hypocritical to me,” Johnny says, taking a step closer towards the magician. 

“Ah, ah, ah, I see one flame and all of these people die.”

Johnny looks at Peter, and Peter squirts web fluid at the magician. It captures his hands, making him unable to cast anymore spells. 

“We’ve got you trapped now and not a single flame was used, as per your request.” Johnny, ever the one to push the bad guys’ buttons. 

The police arrived to take care of the magician and ask witnesses what happened, Spider-Man and the Human Torch have long since fled from the scene. 

“Statue of Liberty?” Peter asks. 

“I thought you’d never ask,” Johnny giggles, flying after Peter. 

The magician begins to shout, “It’s not fair, it’s not just. These people are guilty. I don’t get it. It’s not right. These heroes are guilty, how could they win. Not even my three French hens could defeat them.”

**Author's Note:**

> I’m still a mess but at least the date is right


End file.
